I get this a lot, and just wanted to respond:

October 31, 2012

Whether here on in the TC comments section, I get a lot of people saying that they really adore Marc/admire him/our relationship/want something similar.

I find this more heartwarming than almost anything else I get, actually, because I feel the same way myself. Whether for my sister or my friends or a reader I’ve never met, they all deserve someone like my boyfriend. It doesn’t matter who your partner is or what they look like or where they come from, only that they make you feel beautiful and whole the way you are — that they are your teammate, and your cheerleader.

Being a girl with a relatively strong personality (read: a big mouth and many opinions), I often felt that I would have to tone myself down in some way to be happy in a relationship, or to find someone who would “bear” me, or who wouldn’t be embarrassed of me. I have had my share of relationships with people who did not value me, or at least not all of me. It was an uphill battle that I knew I would never win, always trying to adapt to what I thought would make me lovable and desirable. I think it’s something that a lot of women struggle with, and that can seem really intimidating. Finding someone who accepts, embraces, and never judges or shames you seems like a tall order in this world.

But we should never settle for anything less than that. We should never be with anyone who doesn’t make us feel like we are good people, deserving of love and support. We should be able to rely on our partners, and them on us. Love is such a precious, beautiful, important thing — and if you are an honest person and willing to give that love and acceptance, you deserve nothing less than the same in return. You deserve to be the person you are (including your flaws and your weird habits and your loud voice) and not have to pretend that you are what they want you to be.

There are a million qualities that are malleable when it comes to what we’re looking for — appearance, income, interests — but none of these things really matter in the face of how they treat you, and how they make you feel about yourself. All that counts is that they treat you like someone they are excited and proud to be with, someone they think of and care for, even when it is not convenient.

I want everyone to find this kind of love — from their romantic partners, in their friends, and with their families. It breaks my heart to see so many people accepting sub-par treatment because they imagine they cannot get anything better. I feel so deeply sad when people in my life or online tell me they want a relationship like this with a tone that seems to imply they never will.

Please don’t give up on being happy. There is no part of you that has to be erased to be worth loving.

4:00pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/ZrGUwxWLEwd4
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